Friday, March 25, 2011

Negative Nancy's annoyed by Bissfully Ignorant People

I'm really irritated by ignorance right now.

It's not even personal ignorance, it's like anonymous ignorance, the ignorance of strangers, dumb things people say online, etc.

Usually I am not irritated by such things.

I mostly encourage the moms in my support group to have compassion for the people who make rude, but for the most part, innocent comments about how they are raising their children.

And yet, I'm just a little annoyed right now because I've been coincidentally bombarded with the wrongheaded notion that Good, Hardworking, Attentive Parenting yields Perfect children with no emotional/cognitive/behavioral issues at all. I'm not even really annoyed with the opposite axiom, that Bad, Lazy, Neglectful Parents are the only thing that would lead to a child that is uncontrollable, spastic, and behind in his developmental skills. I get that upon first look, a young mom with the style sense of a grungy teenager kinda gives a certain impression when her 2 year old makes a dart down the salad dressing isle, knocking over every bottle in the process. You are just wrong, and I know, and so really I laugh it off inside.

What's irking me RIGHT NOW is that people often talk as if... there is not a possibility of a child still being in diapers at 4 or 5. That everybody gets to have a conversation with their preschooler. You hear comments such as "How dare you put a child on a leash- be the parent! Teach them to stay put!" like all kids quickly understand and obey such a command. People talk like it's... always... so easy...

Rar. I'm annoyed with myself, I think I just realized that deep down this is kinda a bit of a pity party on my part. Maybe I'm even being a little smug. It's really unfair, and yet worth it, so I try not to dwell. But it's crazy how until days like this, I don't even realize- already, there is this big difference. My life is completely different than the life of your average mommy with a 2 year old. Everything is hard. And I don't mean that to whine, I mean, little fucking things are HARD. You know. You show a kid how to use a utensil, you give em a spoon, a fork, you show em, with practice, hey they use utensils! I literally had to stand behind him with every meal, using hand over hand, walking him through every motion. Every single time he wants something, there is a good chance it will take me several minutes to figure out what it is. We go from class to class, to therapy to therapy, to specialist to specialist... I send emails to his teachers, make calls to the insurance companies... respite care/daycare/relatives watching him for even a little while makes me nervous, because Wylie is unpredictable and hard to contain... and through all this chaos, some days Wylie offers NO affection, no words... he does not call out to me, he does not know my name... Do not misunderstand me. He brings me so much joy. But it occurs to me that this would be a whole different ball game if things were a little easier/calmer/safer and every day I was able to engage emotionally with my baby. I'm being honest and vulnerable here when I say sometimes I'm at work and I miss him soooo much, and then I get home, and I walk into the room he's in, and he won't even look away from what he is doing at me, and it breaks my heart.

...uh. Wow. I don't know how I got here. I didn't even know that was in me. I just... was really irritated by blissfully ignorant people. Goodnight.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Spring Break is Over- Progress, Challenges, Concerns, didn't ask for any advice, but all is appreciated, haha.

Oh my goodness, Wylie went back to school today. Silly me to think that Spring Break was going to be MY little break, too, save the half hour each way to school and work at home. Wylie DID realize his routine had changed and was quite defiant and irritable. We didn't get that much done in the way of lessons, really, at all. It was my fault, I really wanted to take a break from all the table work and try a more natural environment approach, and I think the both of us missed the structure! He went back to school today and he's been much more agreeable.

He sat at a table in a chair very nicely for lunch today. Usually he is strapped in a high chair and asking to get up. He even drank out of a regular old, open cup. I mean, that's amazing. Haha. He's capable, sure, but he usually spills it on purpose or starts blowing bubbles or gargling or something. Today he did pretty good and kept asking me to fill it back up. "More?" he said. Ah, the dreaded "more" word, back, used appropriately, usually accompanying the appropriate noun. Pretty good, little man. Pretty good.

I think he might have some hearing issues going on. He really likes to repeat things I say and sometimes he seems like he's only "catching" half of it. I mean, just a weird sensory thing I bet. He really doesn't get TOO overwhelmed with sound and sights, but he copes all the time with whatever is going on, covering his ears, squinting, looking sideways. Sometimes he's clearly trying to look past me to see, say, the TV or something, and he looks at an angle that just seems odd to me.

I'm not impressed by his Requesting program in his ABA, either. He's reinforced every time he makes an approximation of any kind of sound, as long as he points. I think now he is getting a little lazy and saying nonsense even when he knows the correct word. He's supposed to move on to actual words for desired objects, but he won't master this first program until he points every time, and at home, frankly, he's more spontaneous anyway, and will ask for things out of sight. So the inconsistency with the pointing seems pretty reasonable to me.

I know, kinda random, but that's the day in the life in the brain of the woman with the cutest little 2 year old in the world, what can I say. Have a nice day!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Frustration, Stagnation, Precipitation, Evaporation...

I'm sad.

I don't know, this year is going too fast. I'm getting anxious again. We gotta stop it with the "Throw it away" bullshit. Wylie is pretty fucking capable of throwing shit away, I don't know WHAT situation he would be in where he would have to throw something away and immediately return to his desk. Like that's not really your average school assignment. Yeah, yeah, he's going to have to learn how to return to his desk, period. Can he say, "mommy" first??

I wanna tear my hair out. I work on completely different things than his therapists at school. Academic things. I mean. Come on, dude. Time for colors. And stop pretending you don't know the alphabet. Or your numbers. It drives me crazy. I'll hear him singing, "A B C D..." and as soon as I try to engage him it turns into "A E O E O Ahh E!" Whatever, dude! That's not the alphabet. And you know it, and you're just messing with me.

Okay, I'm half kidding. Am I? I mean, no, I really kinda thinks he messes with me. I'll hear "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, yay!!" Oh really? "Yay, Wylie, let's do our numbers! 1...." "...9, 10, YAY! All done. Break!" "I'm not talking to you anymore, Wylie." "Do badee?" "That's not english." (Inaudible squeal, and then he's bouncing off.)


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tarzan Boy

Well Wylie is feeling a lot better. I think he just dropped a Fruit Loop down his PJs. And now he seems to be playing a game that closely resembles "The Floor is Lava" as he jumps from couch to chair to other couch, never touching the floor.

I'm not even going to stop him. When he hits something, he'll learn. ;-)