Feeling a lot more like Autism Mom these days.
I had a parent meeting with my son’s teacher. She seems to
be a nice enough woman, and I was impressed with her insight. Disheartened to
realize her insight far surpassed mine, and that I was a bit unaware of how my
son struggles and that I haven’t been communicating with the staff very
effectively. Yeah, maybe I blindsided these very competent professionals by
sticking an autistic child in their class without any, you know, hints or cheats
on how to deal with him. I don’t know though. I feel like… perhaps… I needed to
rule out the idea that, armed with some foundational skills, he could just
follow a normal developmental trajectory from here on out, or something, I don’t
know. I don’t know.
Ehhh. I’m having a hard time fully processing our first
parent/teacher conference. The day before a staff member at his school had made
a remark about my son being in special ed. Since my son is NOT in special ed
and I haven’t even disclosed any sort of diagnosis with them, I was alarmed. I
was suddenly very afraid that my son was very behind all his peers and nobody
cared because this was just a little supplement to his special ed. So I wasn’t
in a very clear frame of mind when this meeting took place, and I braced myself
for gloom and doom when his teacher turned the subject to “areas of focus.”
So now I am not quite sure how much emotion and
misinterpreted connotation might be wrapped up in what I actually heard her
say. Nothing was very surprising on a factual level—it doesn’t surprise me that
sometimes he is unresponsive to questions, especially regarding abstract
subject matter. I could tell from the birthday party he attended recently that
his peers talk a lot more and use more complex sentence structure. I also know
that he is nice and incredibly friendly, and sociable, sooo… you know. He will
learn from his peers and start to catch up??
The teacher gave me some insight that made me think that
maybe it won’t be that simple. Perhaps I’ve been assuming that because he can
talk, and because he has tenacity for overcoming communication barriers, he
must be doing all right, socially. The teacher even agreed that he gets along
with everyone just fine and all the children are friendly with him. But he isn’t
forming very meaningful relationships with these kids because he cannot sustain
interactions with them. He is quick to escape any situation that is
uncomfortable. I’ve made some sort of presumptuous connection here that led to
a wrong conclusion. I have a bright, socially motivated little boy who has
enough language and self care skills to get along just fine in regular
preschool. That does not mean that he will easily keep pace socially with his
peers. And I KNEW that, but I guess I thought at the preschool level, it wouldn’t
be a problem. And now I’m like, “Aw, shit, do we need to stick him back into
therapy??”
That’s something to think about, but it’s also clear that he
has benefited from his time so far at this school. I still see a child making
steady progress, and on top of that, he’s practicing a bunch of school related
skills with real live typical peers. So, you know, in the long run, when he’s
entering kindergarten a year and a half from now, with 2 years of intensive
therapy and an additional 2 years of educational and social experience… then how will he fare, compared to other
students? What kind of troubles will he have, then?
I suppose the answer is, “Well, who the hell knows. Fucking
duh.”
Shit.
Well. I just have some things to think about. I have to
figure out just exactly how much time and money and emotion I need to invest in
things additional to his hours in this preschool. I have to figure out what
exactly to do with these investments. Do I contact the school district to set
up an assessment? Maybe I call his developmental pediatrician? Is an assessment
even top priority now??
And honestly, should my focus be on my son’s issues right
now? How much of the problem may just be on the parental end? I mean, I really
need to get my shit together. I ruled at figuring out my kid’s diagnosis. I
RULED at quickly figuring out a plan of action and getting him into therapy. I
ruled at keeping a good head. I don’t know that I rule at being a parent with
clear and consistent boundaries and expectations. I don’t know that I rule at
planning several steps ahead, and being fully prepared when new problems
emerge. Without the structure of therapy appointments, it’s like I’m slipping
into this laissez faire style parenting, and it’s easy to feel positive about
it because I’m a free spirit and my son’s a free spirit… but he’s a free spirit
without any framework to work with, you know? He has a hard time regulating his
emotions. Typical behavior doesn’t always come naturally to him. He needs some
guidance, or life’s gonna kick his ass. Oh, man.
All right. I’ll sleep on that, for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment