Okay, so, I’m Autism Mom again, with a new strategy.
Uhh. I don’t know. Look. My super power is “winging it”
okay? So, I don’t know how valuable this super power is in regards to trying to
raise an autistic son. But I honestly don’t know if I can take any other
approach at this time.
The experts all have their opinions, and I value these
opinions, like, crazy. I do. The most helpful people in my son’s life are just
amazing. But we’re sorta at a stand still right this very moment, because the
two people whose opinions I trust the most sorta think my son is “Good enough”
developmentally, so to speak, and since I disagree, I have to sort of blaze my
own trail as far as my next move is concerned.
So, here’s where we all stand:
Expert 1- My son’s former BCBA, and director of the school
he attended. She doesn’t see IEPs in our future at all, and sees his ability to
look to his peers as role models, high social motivation, and fairly age
appropriate development across the board as a good sign that he will be able to
make it in the real world without any special support. She’s in tune to the
fact that I’m a bit of a nervous, yet, permissive parent, and with her super
assertive nature, I bet she thinks some straight laced parenting would be all
he needs in life to flourish.
Expert 2- My son’s preschool teacher. Dude, she has a fancy
degree, and she seems to be able to apply that degree. She knows he’s falling
behind his peers socially, and knows that because of his restricted interests,
it’s been a challenge to get him to practice many preschool level skills, such
as drawing, dressing himself, and using utensils while eating. Still, she
thinks practice is the key to success, and doesn’t seem too worried about him
overall.
Me – I am skeptical of the “practice makes perfect” approach
to social skills. I wasn’t autistic. My language wasn’t delayed at all. My parents
had waaaay more money than I do and I was in tons of activities, and was
exposed to a LOT more social opportunities than my son, and still, my life was
a friggen nightmare, man. In fact, I suspect that children who make
inappropriate social attempts without being corrected (because ppl avoid
conflict- many kids will just start avoiding an awkward kid, rather than
correct their awkwardness) runs the risk of practicing bad social skills over
and over agin.
At the same time, he seems to foster good relationships
outside his peer group, and it’s worthy of noting! I’m not talking about a
weird lil professor who only hangs out with adults, I’m saying, he gets along
well with his tween cousins, and he usually finds a friend a few years older (6
or 7) at any place there are children. That being said, it’s very likely that I’m
just not that familiar with the complexities of preschool age play, you know?
So, uh, either way… I’m not comfortable with leaving it up to “practice.”
Also, I see a problem emerging (or possibly re-emerging.) He
seems to be having more vocal stims, and they are very frequent. I see some “attending”
issues on the horizon, and I do not know how to deal with them just yet, but I
have some approaches in my head, so, not to worry.
And for now, my immediate action plan is to go a little
broader, and just bring a little more structure and productivity in our lives.
I’m finding it easier to take a lot of Temple Grandin’s advice to heart, when
at one point, I think I found her advice a little on the vague side. She wasn’t
being vague; she was being “broad.” Heh. I’ll follow up in detail, but for now,
my approach is just to stay a little busier, and help him focus his abundance
of energy on hands on projects that can serve as good practice for
developmental skills. I think this will make it easier for ME as a parent to
make sure he stays engaged, as well, as to avoid him spinning and humming in
all of his free time.
I know, it’s not much of a plan. But I’m over planning too
far in ahead at this point. This aint no game of chess! Okay, at least, I hope
it isn’t. I suck so bad at chess.
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